and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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