this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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