Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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