Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
