I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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