I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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