You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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