You're my little dorito
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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