plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
where am i from again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
