i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
