Sober January is a disaster.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
