I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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