You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
