The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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