honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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