i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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