I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
