That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
