BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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