Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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