Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
