I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I could make wine with my vomit
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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