Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
please come you make the beer taste better
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
