remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
