If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i think im in europe. pls send help
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
