I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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