it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
