so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
