garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
