dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
