eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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