Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize