I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
