Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
