its not stalking. its research.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
