Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
