Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
