Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
