he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
