call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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