Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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