Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
