put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
