2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
