Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
