the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I party with great urgency now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
