My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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