Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
