there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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