I want to stick my p in your. b.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
