I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
