I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
