one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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