I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
