Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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