Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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