I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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