I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...