He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
