I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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