How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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