Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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