My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
