Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
