I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
