I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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