By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
