I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
