hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
