I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
