Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
