My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
