bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
