i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
