Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
