We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
