So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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