were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
