Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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