I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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